Drunk Debate Bingo: The Game
Many years ago, I was one of several redshirts who created a Star Trek drinking game. Since old friends and the Internet never forget the sins of your youth, a friend asked me this morning, “Do you have time to put together a “Drunk Debate” game before 9:00 pm EDT tonight? Please and thank you.”
Ashley, this is YOUR fault.
Drunk Debate Bingo: The Game
Americans across the world will be “self-medicating” at record rates tonight, and Drunk Debate Bingo will help you do it. We’re not saying this game will help you make (non)sense of it all, but as certain orange-haired candidates have said, “What the hell do you have to lose?”
You’ll need the following game components:
- 25 Red markers for the Republican candidate
- 25 Blue markers for the Democratic candidate (you can reverse colors for the pre-2000 broadcast variant)
- 25 Grey markers for the moderator
- The painstakingly assembled Drunk Debate Bingo card below
- Enough booze
How to Play Drunk Debate Bingo
- The first time each candidate or the moderator uses a word on your Drunk Debate Bingo card, place a marker of the appropriate color on it.
- The first time each candidate or the moderator completely loses it, physically attacks someone, turns into a werewolf, summons Cthulhu, or otherwise Freaks Out!, place a marker of the appropriate color on the Freak Out Box.
- Each time a candidate or moderator uses a word on your Drunk Debate Bingo card, drink once for each marker on that word. On a Freak Out!, chug.
- “One drink” is whatever amount you find comfortable or necessary. Feel free to lie about how much you drink; it’s in the spirit of the event.
- If either candidate accumulates a “bingo” of five markers in a row, America loses.
Good luck, fellow Americans. We’re going to need it.